Treasure

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A treasure awaited us,
A discovery to be found.
To an unknown we sailed,
Witnessing a whole new universe,
Through kaleidoscope of colours.

Falling asteroids,
With glimmers of lost hope.
Escaping the darkness,
Of the blackhole,
Swallowing us alive.

Like a dust we were,
Imploding and recreating ourselves.
Through the splendor of lights,
A new star gives birth,
To be like the stars above.

A treasure we hoard,
To the galaxy we go.
Discarding our fears &
Igniting our dreams,
with new discoveries to be seen.

We buried those treasures,
Deep within our hearts.
For our souls have yearned,
Beyond its darkness,
Letting our dreams ignite.

Our silence roars,
within nebula of broken words.
Celebrating our freedom,
Like a wishing star,
Shooting across the starry night.

novia

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The more I discover about myself,
I should be loving myself more,
Unfortunately, it is not.
I feel more worthless than before.

“I don’t deserves to be me”
repeatedly plays inside my head,
“Why me?”
when millions deserves to be me.

I did not mean to say that,
I knew I am created beautifully in this world.
Don’t ask me for a reason.
For I myself don’t know what is getting into me.

Totally,
I don’t define myself ‘rare’.
Surely,
I sometimes wish I could be ‘normal’.

Maybe I feel that,
I am not good enough to be me.
I am not embracing myself,
for what I have in me.

I can see within myself,
the potentials I wish to show to the world.
However,
I am not capable still for it.

Wanting to reveal what I am capable of,
Wanting to hide who I really am.
I am in such conflict,
a really useless conflict. 

Is this normal for me to feel this way?

Alternate Universe

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A fictional character, Yuki Nagato – a complex human being hidden behind her quiet demeanour. The first fictional character I fell in love around 7 years ago and I still do love her character. Early this year, they released the second version of this anime – which is basically is similar to the first one, however, they live in an alternate universe. First season is called, ‘The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya’, where Haruhi is the main character of the show, where her curiousity about the universe could lead to the destruction of the world, if it was not controlled properly. She is preferably referred to the ‘God’ where her imaginations will turn into reality. Thus, one of the characters – Yuki Nagato became the alien with multiple intelligence and datas about the universe and Suzumiya. She is a quiet yet strong character, which always ensures that the universe is balanced.

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Then, a movie released titled, ‘The disappearance of Suzumiya Haruhi” where the main character, Kyon,  had to be in an alternate universe to save his original universe with the help of other characters due to the disappearance of Haruhi in their original universe. Yuki Nagato is surprising the heroine for all the shows. //sobs – you’re so cool//

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Lastly, the new version of the anime titled, “The disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan”. Hell Yeah! – I was so excited when I heard the news that my favourite character is going to become the main character /holy shit/ So… In a very different alternate universe, all of the characters are just normal human being, including Nagato – even though there are still similarities from the other universe. Enough said, Nagato is such an adorable character /asdfghjkl/ who likes Kyon. However, at one point of time, this Nagato have disappeared from her world and somehow, was replaced from other Nagato from the alternate universe. I was so pumped to see the old Nagato – how she speaks and so on into this new anime. The character development is very interesting and I literally just love watching this anime.

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If you love seeing the universe in different perspectives, this is totally recommended. I love 7 years ago and I am still loving it now.  /I’m sorry if I have written the anything wrongly, because that is what I remembered/

Corpse Party

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Never did I expect something which is surprisingly interesting and horrifying to watch – Corpse Party. For more than a year, I have finally watched most versions – gameplays, OVAs and the new released live action (half of it because the video got private). It have the element of horror, slice of life and a lot of gory. Surprisingly, I really love all of the versions especially the OVAs as it really show the goriness of the whole story concept – a group of friends whom spelled a charm fell into a curse, which they then needs to solve the mystery to escape from the other world. The development of the story and characters are well-shown – except the fact that all of my favourite characters died //oh well//

To sum up what I’ve learnt from this show:

No matter how many struggles you have to go through, you still have to move forward and find your way out. Sacrifices will be made, truths will be revealed and YOU have to fight back against all the darkness that are consuming you – because at the end of the day, no one will be able to help you until you help yourself. And lastly, treasure the times you spend with your love ones, you might never know when it lasts.

Boundaries.

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Boundaries became my solid companion.

I rarely see people who genuinely cares for others’ growth, who are willing to be there for others’ and those who don’t give a thought to give more than they take.  It is a new feeling, I supposed… overwhelming yet touching to see. It is something that I just discovered, after years of allowing those with – malevolent, maladaptive, manipulative behaviours into my world.

Nobody understands me better except for myself and Him. Despite that, I allowed myself to engulfed in such ideas – which lead to a mistake that I finally realised: The slow destruction of my whole being – my soul .

I have learnt to lay down clear lines as my boundary in a concise and conscious manner for the sake of my soul – spending my energy and time wisely to those whom I really cared for and to those who actually deserves my worth .

novia

Craving for Solitude

tumblr_nqr842Tjhu1tkyd6fo1_1280I’m craving for solitude,
that is all I asked.
Never did anyone understand,
this one simple wish.

I’m craving for solitude,
to retreat and recharge.
It is just a simple wish,
that could not be granted.

I’m craving for solitude,
in a room full of people.
I forced a smile on my face,
with the screams in my head.

I’m craving for solitude,
I couldn’t stand it anymore.
So overwhelming,
I wish I could just run away.

I’m craving for solitude,
my energy is getting low.
I don’t wish to hurt others,
my mood is getting low.

I’m craving for solitude,
with fear I could harm others.
Shutting myself down,
from this hectic world.

Holiday has finally arrived. My whole school semester – I didn’t expect myself to be emotionally drained for a very long period of time. I pushed the limit this time, even though I knew I myself will get affected. Sadly, I couldn’t bare seeing the people I cared for feeling down with all the negativity getting into them. “I need to do something” I said to myself to make them feel better even if it’s just for that moment. I spend more time on them, than I usually do for people – because I know it will drain my energy. I did not realised how much impact it put on me, when I was focused in giving them as much support as I could. I silently helped, not telling anyone that I myself was breaking apart. I couldn’t bare to give more burdens to them than what they already have.

Someone asked me at one point of time, “Why do you even care for them? They are not even your close friends.” I was shocked at that moment, like ‘how could you not care when you see people around you are getting negative with all the bullshits they are going through?’  Even if it’s not, caring for people around me even if they are not closed to me at all is just my natural tendency – even if it is someone whom I just seem to hate their guts.

Back to the present time – I am craving for solitude so much right now. With all the energy and time I spent on others – I want to retreat and recharge, I want to find my inner peace, I want to be myself and lastly, I do not wish to hurt others. My thoughts recently have been filled with “I hate people.” “Don’t talk to me with your problems.” “Did you even try to understand what I’m feeling right now? No. Then, get lost.” These negativity in me is getting bigger, even though in my heart – I still actually cares when people comes to me with their problems and wishing me to help. I am happy when they actually trust me with their problems but now..

I wish to be alone. I am not in the right state of mind to be with anymore – what more help them. I know I will get blatantly aggressive with my straightforwardness and ‘advice’ I gave them, which could hurt them. I don’t wish for that, but at the same time, I wish people could understand what I need right now – solitude. I hope I will get the solitude I want soon before it is too late – I have some school event planning during the holidays starting next week. If it is too late, I probably will start hurting the people around me. I’m sorry in advance.

Fame.

“I don’t need fame,
Happiness is all I need.
I didn’t expect any fame.
You bros are all I need.
I don’t need any awards,
Your support is all I need.

I don’t need to be recognised,
As I knew one thing:
It is what you give to the world,
And not for fame.”

novia