Memories

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Memories. One word which has many definitions when it comes to our every single moment in this life ever since we were born. The memories that have etched inside our mind, the good and the bad.

Unfortunately, human beings tend to remember more of those memories that wish to be forgotten rather than the good memories that is best to be remembered?  And sometimes, we end up thinking that our life revolves around the bad memories and nothing more.

“Every time you relive it, it’s like he’s doing it again and again. But it’s not even him anymore – it’s you. Now you’re the one making yourself his victim.”

“Oh, so I should just forget it?”

“No, don’t ever forget it. But you have to process it and move on. Live your life, otherwise he took your future away from you, too.”

 I guess everyone has certain memories. Some have more than another. We all are just trying to not let it control too much into our life. I hope everyone in this world is persevering and to never give up. May our life are filled with more good memories that give us happiness, joy and a reminder for us to stay alive always.

 

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2017 has been a rough start. And it’s merely five days into the new year. Please be good with me. Please give me the patience to go through the challenges in my life. I wish to pick up the pieces of me that have fallen, rather than breaking more pieces of me. Dear Almighty, please guide me, heal me, as well as those around me. I do not wish to keep reliving those bad memories and wish to really let it go. 

Learn to let go

2017 resolution is to learn to let go. 

I am not obliged to do something for them. I am not responsible to clean up others’ mess. I should always remember to take care of my well-being. Set boundaries with yourself and others. Even if they are blood related. Be reminded, constantly, that sometimes.. some are not worth your energy and time. Be kind to everyone regardless, but most importantly, & be kind to yourself. Be a main character in your own life story.

Thunderstorm

It’s been a while since I long written. Now, I’m reading what I have written and pondering the very reason why I actually started writing here. With the quote written above, “Don’t rush anything. When the time is right, it will happen.” With all the things that have been happening, part of me seems speechless and the other part of me just feels grateful.

How would you have ever imagined yourself to be able to be who you are right now? 

Once in a while, it is nice to feel that you are actually growing despite the mundane life you have. 

All of you have grown, step by step, one at a time. It would mean nothing much to the world, but every single moment of the opportunities given to you are very much worthwhile. For someone who is especially a constant worrier, the risk you took from accepting any opportunities is basically just nerve wrecking.

Things will never be easy, considering every risk you took seems like you’re stepping into a thunderstorm.

A thunderstorm within a thunderstorm.

Uncertainties then started swirling around your head, when you suddenly realized that it is not just a mere thunderstorm. Trying to survive and live under those conditions was never easy. 

But despite the thunderstorm, here you are, coming out alive. More alive than ever.

Handle with care.

Your heart is like a glass.
So beautiful yet so fragile.
“Please handle it with care.”
But nevertheless,
You will get hurt,
Even if you never expect to.
Your heart will shatter into pieces,
Just like a glass.
Regardless of your efforts,
It will happened.
With all those broken pieces,
Please don’t forget this.
Don’t ever leave them broken.
Remember this:
Pick up your own broken pieces and seal it back.
No one will be able to pick up for you until you wish to pick it up yourself.
Your heart is like a glass,
So beautiful yet so fragile.
Always remember to take care of yourself.

From all the signs I’ve been telling you,
You never take me seriously, didn’t you?
Please be real with me.
Is that too hard to be genuine?
I don’t know what is real, coming from you.
I feel betrayed, that is all I have to say to you.

speechless

Me.
Speechless.
Heavy heart.
Feeling abandoned.
Betrayed.
Efforts wasted.
Friends.
No more.

Treasure

A treasure awaited us,
A discovery to be found.
To an unknown we sailed,
Witnessing a whole new universe,
Through kaleidoscope of colours.

Falling asteroids,
With glimmers of lost hope.
Escaping the darkness,
Of the blackhole,
Swallowing us alive.

Like a dust we were,
Imploding and recreating ourselves.
Through the splendor of lights,
A new star gives birth,
To be like the stars above.

A treasure we hoard,
To the galaxy we go.
Discarding our fears &
Igniting our dreams,
with new discoveries to be seen.

We buried those treasures,
Deep within our hearts.
For our souls have yearned,
Beyond its darkness,
Letting our dreams ignite.

Our silence roars,
within nebula of broken words.
Celebrating our freedom,
Like a wishing star,
Shooting across the starry night.

novia

…

The more I discover about myself,
I should be loving myself more,
Unfortunately, it is not.
I feel more worthless than before.

“I don’t deserves to be me”
repeatedly plays inside my head,
“Why me?”
when millions deserves to be me.

I did not mean to say that,
I knew I am created beautifully in this world.
Don’t ask me for a reason.
For I myself don’t know what is getting into me.

Totally,
I don’t define myself ‘rare’.
Surely,
I sometimes wish I could be ‘normal’.

Maybe I feel that,
I am not good enough to be me.
I am not embracing myself,
for what I have in me.

I can see within myself,
the potentials I wish to show to the world.
However,
I am not capable still for it.

Wanting to reveal what I am capable of,
Wanting to hide who I really am.
I am in such conflict,
a really useless conflict. 

Is this normal for me to feel this way?

Alternate Universe

A fictional character, Yuki Nagato – a complex human being hidden behind her quiet demeanour. The first fictional character I fell in love around 7 years ago and I still do love her character. Early this year, they released the second version of this anime – which is basically is similar to the first one, however, they live in an alternate universe. First season is called, ‘The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya’, where Haruhi is the main character of the show, where her curiousity about the universe could lead to the destruction of the world, if it was not controlled properly. She is preferably referred to the ‘God’ where her imaginations will turn into reality. Thus, one of the characters – Yuki Nagato became the alien with multiple intelligence and datas about the universe and Suzumiya. She is a quiet yet strong character, which always ensures that the universe is balanced.

Then, a movie released titled, ‘The disappearance of Suzumiya Haruhi” where the main character, Kyon,  had to be in an alternate universe to save his original universe with the help of other characters due to the disappearance of Haruhi in their original universe. Yuki Nagato is surprising the heroine for all the shows. //sobs – you’re so cool//

 

Lastly, the new version of the anime titled, “The disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan”. Hell Yeah! – I was so excited when I heard the news that my favourite character is going to become the main character /holy shit/ So… In a very different alternate universe, all of the characters are just normal human being, including Nagato – even though there are still similarities from the other universe. Enough said, Nagato is such an adorable character /asdfghjkl/ who likes Kyon. However, at one point of time, this Nagato have disappeared from her world and somehow, was replaced from other Nagato from the alternate universe. I was so pumped to see the old Nagato – how she speaks and so on into this new anime. The character development is very interesting and I literally just love watching this anime.

If you love seeing the universe in different perspectives, this is totally recommended. I love 7 years ago and I am still loving it now.  /I’m sorry if I have written the anything wrongly, because that is what I remembered/